Love in Limestone: The Situationship

Photo by Mike Kutz.

 

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Dirty Deeds Entry

Like three hours.

We call that a rally.

Three hours. Four? Does sleeping in between count? The exhausted-sleep-where-you-land, post-sex slumber, interrupted solely for the animal-instinct lust that persuades you awake to shred the sheets once again.

Four and a half?

Girl, you gone found yourself in a situationship.

*swipes right*

The Millennials are all using this hip, new term to describe relationship purgatory. The commitment that defies gravity – there are some laws, sure, but some of them are meant to be broken.

Like talking about the future.

Why date at all if there’s no real security in a future anyway? I knew someone who told me they dated their partner because they found her to be “marriage material.” That works for some. But a situationship doesn’t buy that sentiment.

*swipes left*

*swipes left*

*swipppppeeee …. holdddddd …. swipe right*

So what’s the difference between your typical relationship and those who find themselves in situationships?

You might be surprised to find out you’re already in one.

*swipe right* *it’s a match!* *swipe left* *swipe left* *swipe left*

You’ve met his friends, haven’t you? And maybe even a few of his co-workers. Last summer, his cousin April was getting married, and it made sense to make you the plus one, since you’d been going out for almost four months at the time. His Aunt Janet was super sweet. And his Mom seemed to like you, too. They even sent you a card at Christmas… to your apartment.

He texts you everyday. And each of you adore that you can both go out with friends separately, or together, and neither wonders where the other is, or what they’re up to, because you’ve got this unspoken we’re together vibe thing happening.

And if you don’t hear from him, it might be a little weird, but he’s probably just tied up.

*oooh, super like* *swipe right* *swipe right* *one, two, three, matches*

Arguably, this is about the healthiest relationship one can describe, right? You have each other’s backs; you laugh, and karaoke, and have wild sex. You go for dinners, and have Netflix & chill nights. You two play boardgames with your roommate and her man.

And he always remembers to kiss you goodnight after an evening together, or the next morning as you’re sipping from an industrial sized coffee cup.

And after he leaves, you go back to your room, and close the door. You put your clothes in the hamper – and it’s awesome, because his aren’t on the floor. You find the towel – ew – and throw it in with the wash. Oh my god, that’s where your panties ended up. You pad off to the shower, throw on a playlist and wash the night out of your hair.

Afterwards, you lock your door, get into your car, and you head to your job, where your friends are happy to see you. And you go on with your day, your life, remembering to call your Mom, drink water, plan to meet your trainer and schedule a girl’s night for Friday.

At the end of the work day, you pit stop at the LCBO because you’ve been staring down a bottle of “Girls Night Out,” and you heard The Dirt was now streaming. It’s gonna be a cozy night in. Sweats, wine, and Motley Crue. Perfect.

Where was he for all of this?

Probably off doing the same – living his life independent from yours.

Girl, you gone found yourself in situationship.

*swipe left* *swipe left* *swipe left*

Have you and he ever talked about the future? Have you ever discussed moving in together? Have you ever seen outside of the typical Wednesday frozen yogurt night? Nope. And it’s been awesome, right?

He hasn’t made you feel suffocated, or stuffed into some strange relationship paradigm of obligations. You don’t want to talk about kids, or how you’ll save to put them through college. And fuck college – maybe you don’t want kids at all. Or to get married. Or maybe – maybe – you don’t want to give up this life.

And why should you introduce him to your Dad? It’s really none of Dad’s business who you’re in business with…

Holy shit… Girl… you’re in a situationship.

See what I mean?

And you know what? It’s okay.

*swipe right, right, right, right, right*

Because you don’t have to get married, or live with every person who turns your crank. You don’t have to settle in, settle down, or settle for every guy or girl who suits your fancy for the time that you’ve got. Situationships follow all the basic principles of a relationship – monogamy, mutual interest, friendships, desires, sex, fantasy; but it manages to escape what society expects us to find out of scoring a suitable mate – there is no promise of a future.

Can situationships evolve? I suppose.

But you’re neglecting the beauty of a situationship by asking yourself if it will.

They’re not for each of us, and certainly not for all. But if it’s you who’s intimidated by future plannings, and are really only ready for what’s here and now, then maybe a situationship is exactly what’ll fit your lifestyle.

And who knows. Maybe you’re already in one.

Or – better – yet, maybe you’ll find someone else who feels the same as you do.

*it’s a match … it’s a match … it’s a match*

~ lilly ~

 

If you have something you want to share, a question to ask, or a general comment, drop me a note at [email protected].

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