Love in Limestone: Disloyalty points

Photo by Mike Kutz.


Dirty Deeds Entry

What is it about being caught that riles us up to the point where we can’t help but tear one another’s clothes off in any location available?

When the backseat didn’t work, the trampoline sufficed.

I distinctly remember the first time I was called down to the principal’s office. I remember the dread that shoots through you like bullet; meeting its mark, no matter your effort to dodge it. I remember ‘getting caught.’

More so, I remember catching.

The feeling of betrayal is a spectrum. And it doesn’t discriminate. It doesn’t care your age, your gender, your relationship status. It doesn’t care if you’re a friend, or a lover; a spouse or a parent.

Betrayal, is betrayal, is betrayal.

“A true friend stabs you in the front.”

We each spend time consoling one another. We tell our girlfriends, and our guy friends, and our best friends and our siblings: trust your gut.

And then we don’t. And when we refuse to follow this simple, basic logic, we leave room for betrayal.

The scope of the word can span from a friend not paying you back the ten bucks you leant, to vicious gossiping by a family member, to an affair you’ve discovered your spouse has been having the last half a decade.

Betrayal hurts. It really fucking sucks.

And what if you feel you’ve betrayed… yourself?

When you ignored that deep seeded, visceral feeling you remember screaming at you from inside – girl, something is wrong. Was it when you didn’t get that sore throat checked out? When you didn’t take that call? When you didn’t listen to yourself when you knew something was off?

When specifically speaking to relationships, betrayal is composed of a host of signs and symptoms. From lies, to anger, to jealousy, to disrespect, the latter of which what hurts the most. How could they, becomes how could I let them?

Is it easier to move on when betrayal becomes the catalyst of the relationship’s demise? Is it simpler to walk away when the lies determine the fate of a potential future together?

Pain is temporal, we tell people. The therapists advise us. The friends remind us. This, too, shall pass.

Let’s get real. It hurts. The betrayal stings. The knots in our stomach, balled into guilt, and shame, and regret begin to physically make us ill; removes all rational thought from our minds, and forces us into a daze-like state until we’re not sure what’s real in this nightmare.

And don’t dismiss its power. Betrayal can stab you between the eyes years down the road when you least expect it. It can threaten you when you think you’re ready to face it. It can come crawling in through your window at night, and jab you in your dreams until you panic yourself awake. Betrayal shows no mercy.

But there is hope.

From Love & Betrayal by John Amodeo:  

“By courageously confronting the inevitable abandonments, rejections, and betrayals that life brings us, we can heal the hurts of our heart, discover new aspects of ourselves, and find a greater degree of safety in relationships and in life. Betrayal in its many forms can become, in effect, the unwelcome rite of passage that ushers us toward a brighter understanding of what love is and what love isn’t — what helps love grow, and what destroys it.”

Take a long shower. Eat the entire pint of Ben & Jerry’s without regret. Dance in your underwear. Listen to a song on repeat. Refuse to wash your hair. Jump in the car and drive ‘til you evict the feelings out of your heart and you can see the sunshine again.

You’re allowed to hurt, but you’re allowed to heal. The real lesson in betrayal is remembering that you can’t guilt yourself into accepting the fault of someone else’s shortcomings. We all have limitations on the power we hold. We are only in control of ourselves.

So take the time, friends. Take the time, the moments, the hours, the days, the weeks – take the time it takes to accept that you were betrayed.

Then pull on your big girl panties and conquer a new day. You deserve it.

~ lilly ~


If you have something you want to share, a question to ask, or a general comment, drop me a note at [email protected]

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